Contemplative Wonderings

Of What A Man Should Be

What I see in you is a reflection
of the one to be
Like a mirror that tells no tales
Holds no lies and breaks no truths
For in the reflection may it be seen
What truly must be
A man of pure heart
and intentions so true
That only passion's Holy fire
May burn here forever new
Hold it close to you
never let it go
Be upright, blameless and renewed
Of one spirit and soul
Burn Holy fire
bright white and true...



This next poem is still under construction, I wrote it awhile ago but I still find there are parts of it that need fixed...This poem is not meant to treat marriage as a mistake, rather it is something of quite the opposite. I think that most people do not approach marriage with enough respect for the unity of two souls. Most people look for the other person to complete them but only God can do that; we should rather try to find someone who will complement us because only Jesus can complete that yearning in our hearts. I think that marriage is the most beautiful analogy God could use to show us the splendor of his glory. It is the most glorious beauty in all of creation liken only to the Trinity that is the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I have the utmost respect for the sanctity of marriage; it is the one thing I want most out of life that still has eluded me but it is all in His perfect timing and His will. When we are faithful to Him, He is faithful to fulfill the desires of our heart. He knows every beat of our heart and what it is we yearn for. He will bless us abundantly above all we could ever ask or think. He knows not only what we want but the unspoken needs. To trust God in revealing slowly the beauty of this discovery is the most exciting aspect of it all. We do not know what the future holds or who He has for us but our heart trusts in where He leads. Before we were formed, fashioned and made; He knew our frame. He knew who it was our heart would wait for and in His perfect timing He would bring those two hearts together. All these years I have waited, not knowing, hoping at different times that it might be the one in front of my eyes but He would keep telling me not yet, just wait and believe. There were times I stumbled, and oh how I fell. I felt that pieces of my heart shatter, at times fearful that it would not be put back together, but patiently He took my scarred heart and made it new. He has taught me patience and to wait on Him and not to wait on man. God never disappoints and if my heart is focused on Him, I can not stumble on the distractions around me.
10 years ago, I did not know who it was I was waiting for but I still prayed. I was 17 but God was preparing me all this time for what it is He has called and chosen me to be. All the things I have gone through in that time was to prepare me for his purpose for my life. I do not think it was by accident that I am where I am. He intricately weaved the details that play out continually. If God required it of me I would wait forever long as He pleased. I don't necessarily think that is what He wants for me but I think that He wanted me in that place of contentment where I surrendered of myself so completely. In ways I could not have imagined a little over a year ago, my life is falling into place. I am blessed with friends who know my value, I have my dream job lined up and practically in the bag (still definitely praying that it goes through) and I have a trust and faith in God about my future love that can not be changed. I have a peace about these things and I have for sometime that even in turmoil, my heart did rest easy. God has been my all in all and my everything and through it all I have held (sometimes barely clinging) to His word and His promises...
[Funny how I was only going to write a brief prelude to my poem and now an entire long blog later, I am barely getting to the original reason for this in the first place-the poem).



If I Make The Mistake Of Marriage
If I make the mistake of marriage, I hope it will be holding your hand
I'd rather give it a try than to never know
It might not end up being forever but I hope to walk this path beside you
I for a moment wanted to make you cry only to know if you truly loved me
But the very thought of that tear escaping down your cheek
Makes my eyes well up with the thought of you even momentarily hurt
If I had it my way we would never fight
I could not bear to break your heart for mine would shatter from the impact
I want every moment you spend with me to leave your soul lifted
With no hope of every coming back down
For my happiness in words you could never fully know
To know that you don't want to live without me
And to walk away would be the greatest mistake

To love and feel no pain is to never love at all

Because if we are together and meant forever
Then pain is the greatest proving ground of them all
(for in that momentary glimpse, so intense my desire to never see you hurt
I would know that I could love you and do you good for all your days
For the slightest harm towards you would feel like a thousand knifes
cutting into my very soul for you would be my Achilles heel-
the one thing that could definitely destroy me)

I want you to wake up and miss me
While it is I'm sleeping right beside you
If you are far away and yet can feel me there then you know how much I care
If I make your stomach flutter and your insides turn to mush
If I can make your cheeks flush with just one glance
(and your gaze I can not seem to hold though everything inside of me
never wants to tear my eyes away)
All these little things that make you crazy and drive you insane
If my kiss is the only and last you want
When you find my flaws adorable and somehow sexy
When all it takes is a smile to forget why you were mad in the first place
When you can look me in the eye and imagine what our children may be

I want to give you peace and make you feel needed
To give you all of myself so completely
I don't want to make you suffer, that is never my aim
I want to give you the benefit of all our years together
To know you love me is all I ever truly need
(I do not care for how or why even if it is of pity, for your love is enough in itself for me)
Though gifts now and again can only add to your gain
This will be a dance and I will let you lead
Always take the time to dance when you feel the need
There will be a song even if there are no words
For every memory we make will be what we sing
Don't let go of me even if you start to hear the music fade
With a little effort it will play once more
This life has it's ups and downs but I will do my part
and I hope that you will too

If we are married for years and my hair starts to grey
Yet you still find me attractive despite my years
For it was my heart that reflected my true beauty
If you can laugh even when you think I'm trite
and you find the pleasure in the every day little things
To take time to have fun
To laugh when the clouds are out and dance amidst the rain
Take this journey with me day by day
I will love you always each and every second of every day
I will never take it away once it is given to you
There are none that exist in this fire like you do
I will see no others for they are there but I do not see them
You are all for me from this moment till my body sighs it's last breath

So if we make the mistake of marriage
Let it be the greatest mistake we ever make!