Some Old Poetry I Wrote...

How could I not see you
Standing there in the cold
The rain falling down
dancing off your shadow
In the bright moonlight
Silently you reach out to me
to wipe away my tears
The touch of your hand
upon my cheek
Warms me to the depth of my soul
How could I feel lost
when I look into your eyes
I know I have found my home
it is here safe in your arms
I used to think
I could make it on my own
Hold the pain inside
and never let it go
But I was blind by the darkness
stumbling with no one
to help me find my way
Broken and alone
Until the day I met you
You reached out your hand
grasping mine never letting go
You turned my world so I looked
at it a different way
Now I smile when I think of you
and the light you brought
that shines inside of me
Making me whole when you are near
I know that I am complete
How I got this far without you
beside me...(How I do love you).

[I don't even remember if there was a guy that influenced this one back in the day. I just found it in a notebook so I'm posting it. I guess it could have just been written with no one in particular in mind. We'll never really know for sure. Originally written: 10/12/03]


The Light of Your Son...
shines warmth on my face
Resting my weary soul
comforting the brokenness within
Your brilliance illuminates my eyes
Till your glory is all I see
I lay still and revel in the fullness of your love

How your hands reach so far out to me

The continual stregnth of your power
overcomes my many weaknesses
Opening my vulnerability completely
before your throne
With you there are no hidden things
In your presence I have no secrets

You wait for me to come so patiently

In your presence I can not
help but break
The pain, anguish and tears
I've kept inside for so long
Flow freely as I feel your spirit
wash over me renewing my heart

My soul is awakened and I am undone

With one touch you took away
What I build up to shut you out
I stand in amazement at what your
love has done
Your love has changed me
I'm new again, refreshed and renewed

Forever thankful, eternally grateful
You have made your mercies new every mourning...

And Just When She Thinks She Can Take No More...

I'd like to think that there is more to this life than living and dying and trying to make it thru the day. More than the monotony that can be seen continually day in and day out as if nothing will ever change. I don't want to live my life doing the exact same thing, just struggling like it will never end with nothing else seemingly in sight. Why does it have to be such a battle?! Lately everything feels like it is a war between heaven and hell. A struggle between angels and demons for my very soul. I know it's a time and season but when it has been so long, you can't help but wonder if you are left wandering aimlessly in the desert for the next 40 years. My soul is tired, I am weary and I am weak. I am not strong enough, I feel I am about to break. To fall apart at the seams and come undone. I am not strong like Job, I do not have his strength and I only wish I had his faith. I am not strong enough to do this alone! We never do want the suffering before the reward. We don't want the delayed gratification; we want the instant gratification. The suffering is never good for the present but in the end we reap the reward. However, I feel as though there is no end in sight and I feel it has gone on for far too long. God knows my limits and when my heart can take no more. He will not give us more than we can handle but He will take us to our limit. I love God and I will serve Him wherever He calls me and leads me even if it is walking it alone. (Though I'd much prefer not too. God gave Eve a rib of Adam for a reason. To leave his father and mother and cleave to his Eve. I want to be someone's ezer kenegdo; I want to be desperately needed. We can't help but desire to be wanted, needed and captivating. It's the desires the very Creator of this universe placed inside of all women! I love the idea that beauty is the essence of God...)
I am tired literally and spiritually. I need peace and I need rest. I need someone else to be strong for me. Sounds lame but I can be only so strong for so long. It's all spent, mostly on others but even I need someone who gives to me. I'd love for it to be my turn; for there to be someone out there that gives into my life. Amazing. I'd definitely give back in leaps and bounds. More love and loyalty than most have had. A devotion and dedication like few have ever known.