Losing Weight Is A Bitch!!!

I am so over this losing weight process! I work hard, I eat only healthy but nothing happens. I give up and do nothing and well, you guessed it, nothing happens.

Don't get me wrong, I like working out. I'm good at working out, I'm deceptively in better shape than most people think. I have great lean muscle mass (underneath some extra mass). I can keep up with the skinny people. I can definitely lift more than most skinny people but there is a formula here that I haven't been following or something. All I need to lose is about 40 pounds and I'll be in the healthy range with my body fat. That really isn't that much but it seems like so much at the same time too. I can afford to lose more weight than that but 40 is my first goal to work towards...

I'm just frustrated, I'm tired of trying and trying and getting nowhere. I'm also tired of being treated like I'm a leper or something because of my weight. I'm a size 16, apparently, that is a size unacceptable to men. So thanks for nothing assholes. I struggle with my weight for many reasons but one of the main ones is the way others look at me. People and especially guys are so shallow that they simply can't see past my size (which isn't that big but whatever).

So in a way, this is my middle finger to the world. I'm definitely not doing it for any of them or for anyone else but myself. I want a career in law enforcement or that type of field so that's what I'm working towards. Screw everyone else and what they think. No I'm not bitter at all. Haha, okay maybe a bit frustrated!

I'm going to try to update about my progress (or lack thereof) every week. I'll take a before picture and eventually an after picture. I'm using a few plans off the MBody Strength website: http://www.mbodystrength.com/

including their basic 4 week diet plan: http://www.mbodystrength.com/nutrition.html

I'm also using their beginner's kettlebell workout plan:

http://www.mbodystrength.com/frwoplbekewo.html

And also their workout plan with the sand bags for fitness and weight loss:

http://www.mbodystrength.com/satrfor.html

I am also incorporating hill sprints into my workout 2-3X a week. (I'm not a fan of long distance running, never really have been so I like doing short bursts of energy over a period of time rather than running for a long period of time. Either way I think it will build endurance so it doesn't matter how I get there as long as I get there.)

That's the point, be able to support my body weight and lift my own body weight...

Anywho, that is what I'm working with at the moment. In a week I'll let you know how it went...

Till then let's hope my ass gets a little smaller with each lunge :)

~*Lisa*~

If I Could Stay With Someone Like You...

"If I could be with someone like you, would you be strong enough for me. If I could stay with someone just like you, would you be strong enough for me..." (Someone Like You--Safetysuit)

Never thought I'd find myself still bound in these chains

Bound down by loneliness

No love from my past that truly held me

Every single one walked away without so much

as a glance back my way

How my heart has greatly loved

but not one ever said my dear how I love you

All these years I have endured without so much

as a loving embrace, a hand carefully brushing my hair aside

a light kiss on my neck telling me with his lips his desire for me

Time and time again I allowed my heart to venture out

Slowly through time making myself vulnerable

Only to come to the end of the road broken left all alone

Watching him walk away as though I never was

I gave my all, put myself out there, held my breath

Let him know that I was open to forever

I would be there till the end of time and all he had to do was say the word

Then he would hold the key to my undying loyalty

But the only thing coming from his lips was sorry

He couldn't even look me in the eyes

Nonchalantly, he said goodbye

Leaving me once again chained down without ever being loved

How many times I've cried out loud

Is it me, what must it be, why am I for so long been so unloved

When all I ever wanted in this life escapes me

As the moments pass me by

My scarred heart takes one more blow

Even though I swore this would be the last time

I know I have said that too many times to count but how many more

times must I endure this pain before there is nothing left but an echo of my soul

I feel my chance at forever is slipping me by

I'm watching this slow motion train wreck helpless to stop

the destruction unfolding in front of me

Battered and bruised here I am once again I am mending back together my heart

What will be left of these ruins and broken pieces

Can it ever be put back together so that it could be given to another...

(To start this process all over again)

All of These Changes...

What can I say about the past week or so?! I knew at some level it would come to this. It was almost more a matter of when than a matter of if. Sometimes a change of scenery is a good thing. I have to look at it that way. It is easy to look at it that way. I am happy with where I am now that I am here. Yes, we don't like life in turmoil but it is part of being human. We would not have a backbone is we did not have struggles in our lives. It isn't easy leaving all that you know for the unknown. I'm not saying it's the wild, wild west but isn't it in a way. At least it is in some ways for me. To go from California to living in Washington, the weather changes, the people changes, the lifestyle changes. I think I miss my friends and the warm beaches the most. They pretty much tie with one another.
While it is a sudden change of events in some ways. It's a nice change of pace in others. I've been working out steadily, eating quite healthy, enjoying the time I've gotten to spend with family and loved trying new things like tanning! What an experience! I've never laid in one of those tanning beds before but I definitely have a new appreciation for them like never before. There are only two times I feel warm: one is when I take a hot shower and the other is the couple of minutes spent lying in the tanning bed. It has been cold, colder than I am most definitely used to. In Socal I am the one who likes it cool but here it goes beyond cool to freezing.
I got a membership to 24 Hour Fitness. Awesome I know. I have to tell you, it can be intimidating especially if you are self-conscious about your weight or size or hell even if you aren't. Seeing all those people all buffed out kinda makes you hesitate like great not only are there fit people here but there are more mirrors than you'd like to see angles of your ass. I know gyms attract a certain kind of people, I've seen the buffed out douchebags that walk around like they got sticks up their ass; the skinny chick that is wearing her sports bra and not much else; the typical grunters that sweat all over every exercise machine and doesn't wipe it down afterwards because they are entitled or something. Then there are the normal people that are just there to either get in shape or stay in shape. There should be more heavy set people there but there isn't. It's sad but true. The fat people should be lining up around the block to lose their fat ass. Hell, 24 sponsors the Biggest Loser, so get over there and become your own version of the Biggest Loser. I think I'm going to make a tank top just for me to wear proclaiming my goal, "Team Skinny Lisa" as Heather likes to put it. Got to get creative with your situation and encouragement!
Overall, I could not be happier or more at peace with this change of pace. I'm about to embark on an adventure into the relative unknown. I'm going to find a job and career that fits me, I'm going to find a good home church (I'm hoping it will be Mars Hill) and I'm going to enjoy every moment I can hanging out with my Dad (and other family of course). But I'm going to cherish those times because they are God's unexpected gift to me. I'm taking a page from Ruth in the old testament, what a lady. I could learn to trust God unwavering as she did. Here's to finding a Boaz and not a Bozo.

A New Year Starts With A New You...

One thing I have found in my efforts to eat right and be healthy is that the "other" food has a very powerful pull both mentally and physically. Not only do I crave these foods like mashed potatoes, bread, doughnuts, hamburgers, cookies and pretty much anything I see but I also find myself dreaming about stuffing my face with these foods too. I mean sitting on the floor of my kitchen and gorging myself until I am smiling and dazed in a food coma. Don't get me wrong, obviously, from this brief description, one can see that food has a serious attachment to me and I to it. Psychologists might say that's not a good thing but honestly I don't care about that; right now I just take it a day at a time and practice patience and perseverance.
The strong desire to eat the foods that are so not good for me is largely responsible for why I am writing in my blog. I figure if I get it out in the blogosphere then I must be accountable for it. It's hard when that bad food is sitting in the cabinets and in the fridge next to my healthy fresh food. I feel like all I've eaten in the past week resembles weeds and almost always is green. Right now I am eating all fresh, if I don't prepare it then I don't eat it. A few life savers that I have found when eating extremely healthy is the herbs, spices and natural things to flavor the meals. I would say some of the saving graces food wise would be: oatmeal, it probably is the single greatest thing that has kept me going strong and not giving into temptation. Oatmeal with cinnamon and honey, sometimes a little banana, goes a long way to making you feel full. It also helps to curb bread cravings. Eggs are really good too. I cook them my favorite way, over easy. I feel like I'm eating more if I have just two that way. Cherries are like God's gift to me as a dessert; I kid you not. Delicious! In some ways I'm just tricking the mind but in others I'm just not allowing myself to give into temptation, not even a little. Not even a bite. One bite leads to a mouthful and that mouthful leads to a stomach full and so on and so on.
The reason I have to go so drastic in the beginning is that I must retrain my brain and my body to work together to create a more healthy, fit lifestyle. It's not about starving myself or getting skinny quick. It's about making the right choices that will affect me for the rest of my life in a positive manner. I am still eating, I am not starving myself, my body just wants to tell my mind that it is. The delayed gratification as opposed to the instant gratification will pay off in leaps and bounds in the end. Being healthy and fit is what it's about. I'm creating healthy habits for a healthy lifestyle.
Of course it won't hurt to see the payoff either but I'm not banking on that as my main motivation. Sometimes you have to forget about everything else. Who cares what anyone else has to say or think, bottom line is, you have to do it for yourself. If you don't, no one will. I am lucky to have very good (and helpful) support of a few good friends. That also keeps you from being overwhelmed. I am entering my second week/8th day, I have made it through one week, and now we get even more serious as I dig in the trenches and get settled for what will be a very interesting (and healthy) year...

My Passionate Pursuit...

To have finally found what I have dreamed about only to watch it get snatched away by a time schedule conflict. It's hard to sit through one class to only find that it might not be. Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I love all things criminal justice and all things law enforcement. Even more so, I am known for my passionate pursuit of a career in Homeland Security and counterterrorism. I happened upon the Fall 2009 criminal justice classes through a community college and have found my Cinderella perfect fit. There are few things in this life that fit me better to a T than Homeland Security related courses.
My elation however has been short lived by a serious time related conflict. It is with great sadness I find that I may have to drop a particular class now that I have found it. Issues in Homeland Security, could there be a better course for someone such as myself?! The Intro to Terrorism class on Thursdays, there seems to be no time conflict for that class but I really was hoping to take both courses. It's hard to find something so perfect and so right only to watch it slowly slip out of my grasp over something so fixable.
At least both classes are taught by the same professor. The Issues in Homeland Security is on the Marine base too which is just so cool. It really couldn't be more of my thing if it had my name on the course title. If there was an admission in the dictionary, my picture would be next to it.
God knows how much this truly is the desire of my heart. However much it pains me, I know that this will work itself out and I will be able to finish my educational pursuit in this degree field. Still sad though, very sad...

Things I Want To Do and Try...

Things I Want To Do
--Find the love of my life--Publish my writings--Write a book--Bungee jump off the bridge to nowhere--Live life to the fullest--Go white water rafting--Learn to dance: ramba, tango, latin, and salsa--Swim with dolphins--Ride in a helicopter--Visit the Grand Canyon, go down into the ruins--Go to Hawaii and the beautiful beaches--Learn to ride a horse--Be a cowgirl for a day--See what it's like to live on a farm--Play ball at a major league park--See a game at --Horseback ride along the beach--Snorkle in a lagoon--Visit Alaskan wilderness--Skinny dip in a hot spring--Swing off a rope into a lake--Ride in --Go to a real club with live music, the swanky kind (like in the 1920's, 30's, and 40's)--Learn to sing, take lessons--Learn to sail--Tomato festival, throw tomatoes--Run a super sprint triathlon--Walk the paths of Jesus and Paul in Jerusalem, visit Mars Hill--Visit the Louvre--Visit Normandy and other WWII memorials in Europe--Learn to snowboard--Learn to fish or flyfish--Learn sign language--Learn a foreign language, enough to communicate in a conversation with ease--Learn 3 different martial art forms enough to be proficient--Take a violin lesson--Learn to play the piano well enough to play a song like Breathe Me by Sia--Take a belly dancing class--Go snorkeling in a shipwreck--Go rock climbing--Go see the Northern Lights (the Aurora Borealis)--See the Great Barrier Reef--Look at stars and planets through an observatory--Sleep out under the stars (where many can be seen)--Go to a winery and see the entire process from vine to bottle--Get a Master's--Help build a Habitat for Humanity home--Create an online art gallery of my work--Audition for something just for the heck of it--Invent something then patent it--Visit the San Diego Zoo--Mush a dog sled--Stay in a house on the beach for a week--Stay in a log cabin--Go to the ballet--Expand my collection of baseball memorbilia

My Guardian Angel

Your Guardian Angel
By Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven